


Agrimony

by jollyowl



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Families of Choice, Feelings of uselessness, Friendship, Gen, Insecurities, Insecurities Dealing With Appearance, Mentions of Canon Injury, Mentions of Missing Eye, Mild panic, Spoilers for The Suffering Game, Usage of Multiple Swears, mentions of food
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-15 21:14:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10557814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jollyowl/pseuds/jollyowl
Summary: Merle is feeling inadequate and receives comfort from an unlikely source.[Agrimony are typically utilized to symbolize a need to be honest about one's emotions.]Takes place toward the end of episode 57, when camp is being settled for the night.





	

Merle is the one to rediscover the clearing in the Felicity Wilds.

It isn't much, only a fire pit and some hastily built chairs, but it's familiar, and the closest thing they have to home at the moment. Merle counts this as a minor victory after a series of stressful occurrences, and the three situate themselves quickly. They settle on the old carvings and allow relief to roll over their shoulders while haphazzardly tossing items into the grass. The red robe hovers uncertainly near them, obviously antsy and wanting to move forward. Rest is inarguable, however, if they wish to survive whatever evil awaits them. 

Taako leans over the empty pit and snaps his fingers, instantly igniting a sizable flame. Merle begins to breathe in the comfort of smoke and takes a moment collect himself. Wonderland had taken it's toll on them moreso than anything they'd encountered before, and he knew that things would only continue to worsen. The flesh around his missing eye itches unbearably at the thought, and he tugs at his eyepatch until the sensation subsides. He finds that while he's okay with this physical loss, the past few days had certainly brought upon unpleasant feelings he couldn't shake. Feelings of helplessness.

Merle's eye flickers over to Magnus, who is sat beside a tree away from the fire, getting to work on reattaching his arm. Merle's chest goes hollow, and he looks over to his own wooden limb, feeling almost silly for his insistent complaints about Magnus having cut it off. Guilt washes over him, and he heaves a quiet sigh, raking through the unresolved anxieties filed carefully in his brain. Not for the first time, he's bound to the idea of being an utterly useless member of their team. He thinks about the several people Magnus and Taako could have easily replaced him with. He wonders why they didn't.

Killian was an obvious choice. She's remarkably robust, brilliant, and would have been a powerful asset to any battle. She would've lead Magnus and Taako valiantly, and as a member of the Bureau, it wouldn't have been particularly difficult to make the transition. Carey also followed this premise, as she'd proved herself to be a masterful rogue, and could've gracefully weaved her way through Wonderland. Angus, who was only a child, could've used his impressive brain power to his advantage, and perhaps found a more masterful way of retrieving the bell. Somehow, as he ran through more and more of their acquaintances in his head, they all seem better suited for the job.

Merle presses his feet into the dirt, swallowing more smoke to fight off the insistent feeling of being too small, too weak. He recalls his various misteps, leaving his children, burdening his friends, trusting too much and too little on a God that seems to have forgotten his existence. He tacks on his failures like arrows to a deft marksman's target, and right now he's full of holes.

All Merle had was the ability to heal. He wasn't particularly strong, wise, or even reliable in terms of utilizing spells to his best ability. But he could heal his friends when they were hurt, without fail. That isn't to say that it never had to be requested by them first, but he would absolutely heed their wish no matter the circumstance. Wonderland had taken this from him. When Taako had gotten crushed and sent to the ethereal plane, there was nothing he could do but help him stand back up. He watched the elf limp, uncharacteristically quiet, and wracked his brain for any kind of sollution to the thick blood spilling down his middle. This was Merle's area of expertise, his one function, and he couldn't even do that without the help of something greater than him. He feels his lungs constrict, and he digs the heels of his shoes harder into the ground.

His eye shifts over to Taako beside him, and he finds himself shocked to see the wizard upright. He's watching Magnus whittle a duck over the haze of the fire with a look of thinly vieled horror etched into his features. Merle understands this expression immediately upon glancing at the uncanny sight of a mannequin carving something made of it's own flesh in the dark of the woods. Even the floating red robe appears mundane next to the sight, so Merle decides to instead observe Taako once more.

Something is decidedly off about him, and after a moment of examination, Merle realizes that the disguise spell had worn off. The cleric is both grateful and resentful of this, as while he found it to be a waste of magic, he still wanted some semblance of normalcy among them. It wasn't as if Taako looked like a different person, he just looked...slightly wrong. Just wrong enough. And when Merle shifts his gaze away from his face, there's a considerable bruise still on his knee from when the machinery had crushed him. Merle's eyebrows pull into one another, and he furtively presses his fingertips against the purpling skin while whispering an incantation under his breath. He tries not to feel too sick when it barely makes a difference. He fails.

Taako must notice, because when he looks in Merle's direction with suspicion, his ears flick back sadly. He turns away, tugging subconsciously on the braid Merle had laid for him the morning they set off for Wonderland. Merle finds himself wishing they'd just stayed on the base that day.

"Y'know, uh," Taako whispers, just barely audible over the crackling fire, "you're not completely useless, or whatever."

Merle scoffs, but despite how noncommittal the compliment was, it was a surprisingly kind sentiment from Taako, "alright, kid."

Taako scratches the bruise on his knee, and pulls on his skirt until it covers the discoloration, "I wouldn't have said anything if I didn't mean it. I did almost die back there, homie."

He did have a point. Merle remembers feeling proud when he'd siphoned life back into Taako, watching the deep gash on his stomach close up triumphantly despite the injuries he'd gained in return. Taako had leaned his arm on Merle's head in a gesture that might've been construed as rude by most dwarves, but read as a thanks from the unaffectionate wizard. It was the first time Merle had felt useful to the game.

"You also literally grabbed us from another plane of existence," the elf shrugs, moving to sit in a more Taako appropriate position, "so that was pretty dope."

Merle chuckles, "thanks."

Taako sits back up, dramatically putting a hand beside his ear as if to hear him more clearly, "excuse me, what was that? Come again?"

Merle chuckles more, "I said thanks, you twit."

Taako nods, clearly satisfied, and slouches back down, "that's what I like to hear, old man."

Merle rolls his eye and shakes his head. He finally allows his feet to rise from the dirt and leans back into his chair comfortably. It'd been a while since he was able to relax, and he wants to take advantage of the opportunity before things go south. Well, more south.

Taako rolls a loose curl around his finger absently, "also, sorry you, uh, lost your eye. That's...rough."

Merle adjusts his eyepatch, but he wants to dispel the tense atmosphere, "sorry they made you ugly."

Taako gasps audibly, pulling off a boot to chuck at him, but he's giggling, "fuck you, I'm still easier on the eyes than you are, asshole."

Merle laughs, rubbing at his shoulder where the boot hit, "that's not a hard feat."

The duo guffaw like everything is normal, and for a little while, it seems like it is. Taako is lounged on his wooden chair like a lazy ragdoll, and Merle forgets about his crippling insignificance for a moment. Taako stops giggling after some time, and when he presses his fingertips against his nose, he frowns and taps his cupid's bow. Realization dawns on him that his old face isn't on. Merle immediately feels guilty for bringing it up, but Taako appears to return to indifference quickly.

"So, are you going to tell me what's up," Taako asks, stretching his arms over his head with a mighty yawn, "or am I gonna have to Zone of Truth your ass?"

Merle scratches at his beard and an agrimony petal emerges from tufts of white hair, "ah, I don't know. It's been a ride."

Taako hums, kicking his other boot off into the grass, "shit is going to hit the fan hard, my man. May as well dish it out now before we all die a horrible death. I'm not into this mushy-gushy crap, but I've got nothing to occupy myself with anyway."

"Mushy-gushy," Merle repeats, a questioning lilt to his voice.

"You heard me," Taako answers, "mush it up."

Merle sighs, plays with the petal in his palm, lets it fall, "why haven't you and Magnus replaced me already?"

Taako seems shocked at the question, if the abrupt upward tilt of his ears was any indication, "shit. Well, okay."

Merle laughs despite himself, "damn it, Taako."

"No, no, I got this," his ears twitch back down in thought, "okay, hm. Well, we do give you a lot of shit, huh. That's a thing that happens. But, really, if I'm being honest...You're not that bad a dude, Merle. Sure, you could totally heal more often. And maybe cast a few different spells every once in a while, for sure. But, uh, we all have our shit."

Merle raises an eyebrow, impressed, "oh really?"

"Yeah," Taako nods, running his fingers under his eyes where the skin feels foreign now, "I know, I know. Even me. I can admit it, I am a master at fucking shit up phenomenally. That's just our thing, my man. Don't sweat it too much."

Merle reflexively looks over at Magnus for any input, but he's given up on whittling and is instead laying down in a patch of grass. Merle wonders if he's asleep. If he even can sleep.

"I've been wondering," Merle finds himself saying, too tired to care, "if I'd given up those memories, maybe Magnus wouldn't have gotten bad luck."

Taako's expression is twisted in contemplation, and there are a few beats of silence before he says, "you made the right call."

Merle sighs, "Taako-"

"No, really," Taako interupts him, and despite his inability to stop tapping his foot like a rabbit, his tone is incredibly serious, "we're going to get Magnus back. And, fuck, you know they would've done something to him no matter what the shitty fucking wheel of shit said. You...gave up a lot back there. More than I did. More than I would be willing to give. You're important to the team."

A heavy breath leaves Merle's body, and he runs calloused fingers over his balding scalp, rendered absolutely speechless. This was undoubtedly a precious gift from Taako, who otherwise barely offered him the time on a good day. Wonderland had changed things between them. The trio seems to have adapted a secret pact now, to protect one another with a vengance. Taako is pulling at the plait in his hair again, running a socked foot over the armrest of his chair. Talking about emotions certainly isn't his forte, and it isn't Merle's, either. 

"Ugh," Taako groans, tugging the brim of his giant pointy hat over his face, "I can't believe you made me say all of that gross sappy bullshit and then-"

"Thank you," Merle says, and means it, "it...means more than you know."

Taako lets the brim of his hat go, and it pops up when his ears do, "it's nothin'."

Merle slips his eye closed, and silence falls over them for a few moments. The fire continues to crackle in the background, and he contemplates finally allowing himself to sleep. He's suddenly extremely exhausted, which is fair because he doesn't remember the last rest they'd had. He's just beginning to reach the beautiful throes of sleep when a sound from Taako's direction alerts his attention.

The elf is rumaging through his bag, which is an old ratty thing comprised mostly of patches and a long handle that is hanging on by a few threads. He has a look of determination on his utterly normal face, his tongue sticking out between slim lips. After a few minutes of searching, what with the amount of garbage he has in there, he pulls out a clear container with a single macaron inside.

"I was saving this for a rainy day," he says, opening up the lid and placing the cookie in his palm.

He seems pensive for some time, studying the object in his hand as if it were much more serious than a pastel sweet. After careful thought, he nervously casts prestidigitation, splitting the macaron in two and freshening it up.

"I wasn't planning to share, but," Taako hands half over to Merle, "I'm feeling generous. Don't get used to it."

Merle supposes today is full of surprises, and despite not being hungry, he takes a bite from the offered cookie. It's an incredibly pleasant juxtaposition to the wild meat he'd been eating earlier, and he takes his time enjoying the masterfully crafted treat. He pretends not to notice the anxious way Taako is watching this process, his ears flat against his skull despite the large bite the elf had taken from his own half.

Merle gives him a goofy thumbs-up, and Taako smiles. 

He's not the most useful cleric in the universe, but maybe he's okay with that. Taako and Magnus have made it clear that this is where he belongs. Despite his failures, he knows he can do some good for them.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Ever since Clint had spoken about Merle's insecurities regarding his place on the team I immediately wanted to explore this side of his character. This is the first fic I have posted and I sincerely hope you enjoyed it. Have a lovely day!
> 
> You can reach me at: @sizzlewizard or @jollyowlart on twitter. See you there!


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